Sometimes life hits us harder than we ever imagined it could. For me, the blows came in quick succession—losses that tore through my family and finances. I went from being a man’s man to a shadow of my former self. I plunged into a deep struggle for a period of nearly two years starting in September 2021. I couldn’t shake it off. It wasn’t until a night of stark epiphany in April 2024, a soul-wrenching realization that not only had I been enduring a downward spiral of inner turmoil far too long, but I also faced the brutal truth that I’d let myself get entangled with and surrounded by toxic people. I needed a radical change. And so, I decided to take a sabbatical.
I remember when I was at my peak in the mid 2000’s, I was 230 pounds of solid muscle, leg pressing 1,200 pounds, deadlifting over 600 pounds, and bench pressing over 400 pounds, I was an animal! I drove the finest luxury German automobiles, stood at the pinnacle of my business, had a larger-than-life personality. Women wanted me, I was popular, and friends were everywhere. But in the depths of my struggle, I found myself in a state of despair and hopelessness. I shrunk down to nothing and let my physique deteriorate. It was pitiful. People who once couldn’t hold a candle to me were now reveling in my fall from grace, acting superior and treating me like I was nothing more than an afterthought.
The beginning of my sabbatical was anything but easy. I left the familiar surroundings of Willis, Texas, and set off into the vast unknown. My travels took me into the depths of the wild, where I immersed myself in the raw beauty and boundless challenges of the great outdoors. Each step on the trail was burdened with the weight of my failures, my anger, and my despair. The rugged landscapes I traversed mirrored my inner turmoil, setting the stage for a profound internal battle. The initial phase of reflection was brutal. I beat myself up relentlessly for letting myself sink so low. But through this painful process, I discovered a crucial truth—acknowledging your mistakes is vital, but wallowing in them is destructive. The goal is to recognize your errors, learn from them, and then move forward with determination.
In hindsight, a bit of planning could have made my sabbatical smoother. If you’re contemplating a similar journey, having a plan can provide a helpful structure. However, it’s equally important to allow yourself the freedom to adapt and explore. My approach was more spontaneous—a minute-by-minute unfolding that suited my need for organic growth. Seeking solace in rugged landscapes became my immediate path to reconstruct and rebuild my life, and the only approach that made any sense. I needed to be alone with my thoughts and embrace the raw thrill of confronting the elements head-on.
As I immersed myself in nature, my first priority was to decompress. I needed to be present, to forget the past and everything that defined me. This was about wiping the slate clean, preparing myself to start afresh. Finding a place of calm was crucial—it allowed me to clear my mind and think logically about my next steps. Then, I confronted myself, acknowledging the painful truths I had been avoiding. I understood that to truly transform, I had to go to places within myself that I feared, places that were unimaginable to comprehend.
Reflection was the cornerstone of my transformation. I scrutinized every aspect of my life, confronting the uncomfortable truths about why I had become a shadow of my former self. This deep dive was both gut-wrenching and liberating. I revisited the sources of my past happiness—intellectual pursuits and physical fitness—and committed to rekindling these passions. But my sabbatical wasn’t just about reverting to old habits; it was about embracing new interests and passions I had always put off, like traveling to exotic locations. It was about embracing a whole new me, cultivating new habits, qualities, and strengths, and forging a path to become an even greater version of myself.
The psychological phases I went through were intense and varied. I experienced profound pain and moments of exhilarating joy, each one shaping my evolving self. Initially, I was overwhelmed with remorse for becoming what I considered a “failure.” But over time, I learned to balance reflection with understanding. My advice to you: reflect deeply, acknowledge your missteps, but don’t let them define you. Use them as a catalyst for transformation. Turn those setbacks into fuel that propels you to change and rise beyond your limits.
A sabbatical is deeply personal and can take many forms. Some might find solace in working or exploring new cultures, while others, like me, might need to delve into their inner worlds. There’s no right or wrong way—what matters is that you find what works for you. Whether it lasts for a month, a year, or longer, the duration is secondary to the journey itself. My own experience was a solitary nature excursion, a time to untangle my thoughts and emotions without distraction, allowing me to embark on a profound inward journey of self-discovery.
As my sabbatical nears its end, I face the challenge of reintegration. Whether you choose to return to your previous life, relocate, or chart a new course, it’s crucial to have a plan. Old environments and relationships can easily drag you back into negative patterns. I am fortunate—those who know me and truly care about me have understood that my recent struggles are not a true reflection of who I am. Sadly, however, many in my life refused to see me in any way except as I had become, a broken person, treating me as insignificant. I had already severed ties with toxic influences prior to my sabbatical, recognizing the importance of this step in my journey. However, during my time away, I reaffirmed this commitment and have since emerged anew, embodying resilience, confidence, and a renewed sense of purpose.
Developing a new sense of self and purpose is an ongoing journey. Embrace the surge of new energy, seize every breakthrough, and continually strive to move forward. Patience is key—don’t rush the process. Allow it to unfold at its own pace, and you’ll find that the transformation is not only profound but also enduring. Throughout my transformative journey, I have experienced a profound shift. I am inspired to be the best version of myself, free from the barriers of the past, including narrow-minded thinking.
Ultimately, my sabbatical is more than just an escape; it is without a doubt, a transformation. I have emerged stronger, wiser, and more attuned to my authentic self. Moreover, I’ve honed my inner compass, aligning my values and beliefs with my personal strengths, erecting formidable boundaries that fiercely protect my integrity. I’m surging with a powerful new force. Going on sabbatical was a major turning point, and now I’m absolutely crushing it! I am now on a mission to live an awesome, kick-ass life! If you’re considering a sabbatical, know that it’s a journey worth taking—a path that leads not just to self-discovery but to self-mastery.